financially dependent relationship


How does it feel to give yourself the option of ending the relationship romantically but continuing to live together while you look for a new home? They Often "Play Games" There's a healthy way to split financial responsibilities in a relationship, and … Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments. Consequently, knowing how to identify financial abuse is critical to your safety and security. Making a spouse financially dependent on you is a great way to control your spouse. If you find yourself making lots of sacrifices for your partner's happiness but don't get much in return, you might be in a codependent relationship. If you make step 1 your priority, that’s enough for right now. Consequently, it's very difficult for them to establish independence and long-term security. Financially independent adults who elect to be treated as dependent adults are included in the benefit unit of his/her parent. If you suspect that your partner or spouse is financially abusive, contact an advocate, a counselor, or a religious leader right away. Financial education is a long-term journey. One took off abandoning and blaming everyone else. Overall, financial abuse is very isolating because victims often become financially dependent on their abusers. In regards to civil status, a dependant who is single, divorced or widowed, whose marriage has been annulled or who is no longer in a common-law relationship at the time of the initial receipt of the application is considered to meet the definition of a dependent child and must continue to meet the definition of a dependent child for the duration of processing. Here are the signs, plus how to get out of it. From here, the simplest of budgets follow the 50/30/20 rule. If for whatever reason the relationship goes south, or in a worst-case scenario becomes abusive, you’ll have limited options. I’m sending you my very best wishes for success and happiness! Expecting a year-end bonus? However you decide to end the relationship, expect emotional turbulence. Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. In order to understand your options and make good choices, you’ll want to spend some time becoming familiar with your key monthly numbers: -What is your gross (pre-tax) and net (post-tax) income? Getting clear on these amounts will allow you to create a realistic budget and arrive at a comfortable range to spend on rent. Do You Think You Might Be the Abusive Partner in Your Relationship? I wish that the two of you collect the courage to face each other and discuss your problems rather than staying mute about it. Before you end things, video or audio record yourself talking about all the reasons why you want to leave the relationship. Fear in particular can be challenging to work with, so I’m glad you’ve raised it. I’m not sure if I can afford to live on my own after sharing expenses with someone for so long. Not being financially dependent can result in thousands of dollars in tax, or worse, the Without resources, they are unable to see a way out of their situation. This financial dependence traps them in the relationship. As a rule of thumb, rent should not exceed 30% of your gross monthly income. I really want to acknowledge your desire to move your life forward now! When they do have money, they often have to account for every penny they spend. How can you cultivate the ability to give this to yourself? How to leave a financially dependent relationship Step 1: Understand your numbers Step 2: Make a plan to end the relationship and recruit emotional support Step 3: Financial education In fact, a study by the Centers for Financial Security found that 99% of domestic violence cases also involved financial abuse. What's more, financial abuse is often the first sign of dating violence and domestic abuse. If a financial dependency causes you unhappiness, then it is time to be financially stable, or else discontinue the relationship. Sometimes an abuser may use subtle tactics like manipulation while other abusers may be more overt, demanding, and intimidating. He's a great boyfriend in every other aspect and I love him very much, the only problem is that he NEVER has money and is unmotivated to get another job, his current part time job only pays enough for rent and little else ( I found him that job). Check out the link in, Decisions, decisions. I’d recommend thinking through how you could stage these events so they don’t both occur at once and overwhelm you. Step 2: Make a plan to end the relationship and recruit emotional support. They also may have their own money restricted or stolen by the abuser. The key is to address financial abuse right away. I agree to the official year 1 giveaway terms and conditions and to receive news and updates from stnce. It sounds like your boyfriend respects you and wants the best for you. If your adult child is financially dependent on you, it could be time to help your adult child take financial responsibility with these tips. Do You Know the Warning Signs of Domestic Abuse? Now, as a grown woman, it’s very strange to be financially dependent on someone else, especially when I never wanted to be dependent on even my own dad. Financial abuse is an all-too-real form of domestic abuse in which one partner takes all of the control of finances, making the other partner completely dependent. For instance, if an abuser is particularly violent and the victim needs to leave in order to stay safe, this is difficult without money or a credit card. Center for Financial Security. It’s time to bring this home to you! In fact, many victims stay with or return to abusers due to concerns about financial stability. But research shows that financial abuse occurs just as frequently in unhealthy relationships as other forms of abuse. Type 2. These and many more questions flooded my mind a few weeks back. And if they need to leave the relationship permanently, it is challenging to find safe and affordable housing. -What are your total financial obligations/debts including savings? Howard M, Skipp A. You’re also likely to feel a mix of regret, uncertainty, sadness, and loneliness. Mom [54F] is financially dependent on me [29M] [new] I have always been financially responsible for my family. You don’t have to do everything at once, and based on your situation, you don’t need to. You should seek the advice of a qualified professional or undertake your own research before making financial decisions. If not, then you may want to begin looking for a new home now and have the conversation once you find it. When a dating partner or spouse has complete control over the money in the relationship and you have little or no access to what you need, this is controlling the family resources. As long as a child remains dependent on the parent, that relationship is never allowed to mature into one of … When most people think of domestic abuse, the first thing that comes to mind is likely verbal abuse and physical assault. Of course, I do recommend learning the basics so that you feel more confident (and ensure your money is doing what it should!). Sign up to the stnce newsletter to receive updates on our latest articles, events, tools and more. Allowing yourself permission to feel these ‘negative’ emotions is the path to arrive at the other side of confidence, happiness, and security. I’m a capitalist at heart. My mother married an abusive man that worked min wage. Girlfriend financially dependent on me? Now is the time to reach out to friends and family to ask for their support in advance. Now I'm 34 and she's 21, so there is some age difference. How do you separate work time from personal time? Here Are Some Solid Ways to Strengthen a Marriage and Avoid Divorce, What Couples Need to Know About the Silent Treatment, Being Secretive About Money Can Be a Big Betrayal in Marriage, Daily Tips for a Healthy Mind to Your Inbox, Measuring the Effects of Domestic Violence on Women’s Financial Well- Being, Unequal, Trapped & Controlled: Women’s Experience of Financial Abuse and Potential Implications for Universal Credit, Trying to control your use of or access to money you have earned or saved, Using your assets for their personal benefit without asking, Taking money or using credit cards without permission, Ruining your credit history by running up limits and then not paying bills, Claiming to make payments or pay bills in your name but not following through, Borrowing money or making charges without repaying it, Demanding that you turn over your paycheck, passwords, and credit cards, Expecting you to pay for their bills or their obligations, Using offers to help with your budget or financial decisions as a cover for gaining control over your finances, Requiring you to bail them out of difficult financial situations​, Confiscating your paycheck or other sources of income, Intercepting or opening your bank statements and other financial records, Threatening to lie to officials and claim you are "cheating or misusing benefits", Criticizing and minimizing your job or choice of career, Pressuring you to quit your job—sometimes even using children as an excuse, Telling you where you can and cannot work, Harassing you at work by calling, texting, or stopping by, Preventing you from working by hiding your keys, unhooking your car battery, taking your car without permission, or offering to babysit and then not showing up, Criticizing every financial decision you make, Making large financial decisions without your input, Hiding or taking funds and putting them in a private account, Insisting you share your income but refusing to share theirs, Refusing to work or contribute to the family income, Controlling the “purse strings” or establishing unrealistic limits or allowances, Requiring you to account for every penny you spend (may even ask for receipts and change), Having a double standard when it comes to spending (they may spend money on entertainment, dining out, and clothing but criticize you when you make similar purchases), Withholding financial information such as account passwords, account numbers, and investment information, Limiting your access to the overall financial picture as a couple, Withholding money from you or requiring you to ask for money, Demanding that you ask permission before spending money but not consulting you when they make purchases, Requiring that large, joint purchases be in their name only (such as car loans, mortgages, cell phones, or apartment leases), Limiting your access to money by not allowing you to have bank accounts or credit cards, Forcing you to sign financial documents without explanations, Making threats to cut you off financially when you disagree, Becoming enraged over money and then engaging in other forms of abuse like name-calling or, Dragging out divorce proceedings in order to cripple you financially. While less commonly understood than other forms of abuse, financial abuse is one of the most powerful methods of keeping a victim trapped in an abusive relationship. Any information provided is for information purposes only and Equitable Bank makes no representations as to the validity, accuracy, completeness or suitability of any content. In fact, it often escalates and can lead to other types of abuse. Financial abuse involves controlling a victim's ability to acquire, use, and maintain financial resources. You just need to create a plan to manage the changes – both financial and emotional. Thank you, {{form.email}}, for signing up. Unequal, Trapped & Controlled: Women’s Experience of Financial Abuse and Potential Implications for Universal Credit. It would also give him some time to adjust to the changes as well. interdependency relationship, financial dependency does not require the two to live together. The recent 3-part stnce series called “The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Investing” would be a great resource for you. Read Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. It's extremely important that women can identify financial abuse before it escalates and they're stripped of their credit histories and employment opportunities. “Even though these are very different people at different income levels, what financial dependents have in common is that everything is given to them, and someone else is managing the money, so they end up with no self-esteem or sense of self-worth,” says Yvonne Kaye, a Willow Grove, Pa., therapist and author of “Credit, Cash and Co-Dependency: The Money Connection.” “A lot of them get … The Financial Confessions: “I’m Trapped In A Relationship Because I Can’t Afford To Leave” By The Financial Confessions Wednesday, December 16, 2015 Writing this is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, because it means admitting to myself (and everyone reading this, even though it’s anonymous) that I really am staying in a relationship for financial reasons. That might spell trouble for your relationship, as new research shows that both men and women are more likely to cheat on their partners when they're financially dependent on them. Why not share with a friend or perhaps a new roommate? They’ve overprotected their children since they were very young, making them insecure and dependent. The stnce gift guide makes it easy for you to #Sup, How to Talk About Money with Your Partner. The term ‘codependency’ is often used casually to describe relationships where a person is needy, or dependent upon, another person. You got this. I haven’t been happy for a long time and I want to leave him, but I’m afraid I’m not financially stable enough on my own. Eventually the other person will have to begin getting healthier as well or will have to rethink the … It often goes hand-in-hand with emotional abuse and physical abuse. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with my partner for 8 years. And rarely do they have complete access to money and other resources. Here are some examples of this exploitation. Victims often have spotty employment records, ruined credit histories, and mounting legal issues caused by years of financial abuse. We mostly take care of our own bills, aside from what goes into rent and utilities, which we split, and I pay less because I make less. This is one of the most overt forms of financial abuse. Check it out here. Of course, this is highly personal and may not resonate with you at all. Threatening to leave or … You have a strong history together, so I’d also suggest looking at what else might be keeping you with your partner. Here’s a proactive suggestion for any second-guessing that might occur. Regardless of whether the abusive person is using one tactic or 10, it's still considered financial abuse. When you think of domestic abuse, most likely the first thing that comes to mind is verbal abuse and physical assault. They also struggle to provide for basic needs like food, clothing, and transportation. If you do not have a counselor or religious leader who can help, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential assistance from trained advocates. Who else could you receive this from? Many parents accidentally encourage financial dependence. Research shows that victims often are too concerned about their ability to provide financially for themselves and their children to end the relationship. Where the interdependency definition is unlikely to be met, being ‘financially dependent’ can result in a recipient receiving super death benefits tax-free. I … You have a steady income, an RRSP, good spending awareness, and you clearly value the importance of managing money well. Is it okay to be financially dependent on your partner? If you decide to move in with a friend, they can also provide emotional support during your transition – win/win! Victims feel inadequate and unsure of themselves due to the emotional abuse that accompanies financial abuse. Here are some ways in which people are abused financially. How do you know which tax ad, "I don’t look like your typical scientist. Finally, it alters the parent-adult child relationship into one of dependence. You also appear to be the kind of person who enjoys living with others. -How much are your other necessities (including utilities)? Here are some examples of controlling shared resources and assets. For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database. One person may lose their identity is such a relationship. Your email address will not be published. When a dating partner or spouse attempts to control your ability to earn money or gain assets, they are interfering with your income potential. But research shows that financial abuse occurs just as frequently in unhealthy relationships as other forms of abuse. AlbertaBritish ColumbiaManitobaNew BrunswickNewfoundland and LabradorNova ScotiaOntarioPrince Edward IslandSaskatchewanNorthwest TerritoriesNunavutYukon. In these cases, the dependent adult is included when determining financial eligibility for the parent’s benefit unit. Technically my husband could hire someone to watch our children and take care of our home, but I can’t hire someone to earn money for me. I’m being sort of tongue-in-cheek with this because I actually think there’s a lot wrong with capitalism and consumerism. My name has been used for bills that have gone unpaid. Here are some examples of job interference. Financial dependence prolongs the lesson and often makes it harder to learn. By creating a simple budget, you’ll be set up to manage your largest concern; expenses. It’s time to modern up and abolish … It can be tough to change relationship patterns, especially when they are destructive. In fact, a study by the Centers for Financial Security found that 99 percent of domestic violence cases also involved financial abuse. Measuring the Effects of Domestic Violence on Women’s Financial Well- Being. Having a team in place will help you weather the storms during your time of transition. But I believe something bigger inside of you knows it’s time to let go of playing small and embrace more of your power and potential. I understand that I can unsubscribe at any time. Change always brings the unknown, and that is bound to create fear. How Women of Color Are Impacted by Domestic Violence, 9 Ways to Help a Domestic Violence Victim, Why Spanking Wives and Other Types of Domestic Discipline Is Abusive, How to Recognize Digital Dating Abuse in Your Relationship, Exploring the Struggle Black Women Face When Coping With Abuse, For Many Borrowers, Student Loans Are a Mental Health Crisis. Since you already have an RRSP, it sounds like investing isn’t a pressing concern for you at this time either. Apart from this, the stnce recommendations hub has plenty of resources to help you learn about all things money. For those who do manage to escape an abusive situation, they often face extreme difficulties in obtaining long-term housing, safety, and security.. "Neither men nor women like being financially dependent on a spouse," Christin Munsch, a University of Connecticut sociologist and one of the study's authors, told The Huffington Post. This is why I don’t want to ever be financially dependent on a man, and I want to raise my daughter to be strong and independent, and for her not be financially dependent on a man. Financial abuse is not something that gets better with time. Overall, the forms of financial abuse vary from situation to situation. I have a steady income, but I count on him so much to help me financially. Being financially dependent means that if one partner loses his or her job, becomes ill, or is otherwise unable to work, the entire house of financial cards falls. These tips on how to become financially independent when you have a controlling husband are inspired by The Parable of the Forest Pit – and by a reader who asked for financial help on my article about getting money to leave your husband. Because one is dependent on the other in terms of finances, it will also affect the way they behave and interrelate. Plus, financial insecurity is one of the top reasons women return to an abusive partner.. My three siblings have never stepped up. The effects of financial abuse are often devastating. Be it boyfriend/girlfriend, fiancé/finance, or husband/wife relationship? In the end, the goal is always the same—to gain power and control in a relationship. Some abusers may use all of these tactics while others may only use one or two. When their children try to make lives of their own, these parents discourage or manipulate them not to. In challenging moments, play it for yourself, or ask a friend to send it to you as a reminder that you made the right decision. The Smart About Money website will be retiring on July 31, 2021. I was so restless that I had to text a brother about the questions. Ask Lisa: Am I doing enough to be financially independent now that I'm divorced. Parents who enable their children to be financially dependent. Those who are victimized financially may be prevented from working. Your email address will not be published. You are attempting two of the three biggest changes a person can make in life at once; ending your relationship and moving to a new home (the third is starting a new job!). Two went to jail. Threats Of Leaving. Required fields are marked *. Financial abuse is a thing, and it can be hard to spot when you're in a relationship. Threatening to leave or … Should your man pay most of the bills? Women’s Aid. Allocate 50% for all necessities, 30% for spending, and 20% for financial obligations, saving, and any investing. These are some suggestions that I would recommend if you are struggling to communicate and enforce boundaries with a financially dependent partner. I'm 24, he's 25, but he's been financially dependent on me and it's draining my savings. You don’t have to make the leap to renting on your own just yet. The biggest opportunity I see for you is to reclaim the role you’ve given your boyfriend to take care of your finances. In what ways are you receiving security besides financial means? My girl friend and I have been in a committed relationship for the last two years, and she moved in with me for a year now. He’s a nice guy, I just feel stuck and I don’t want fear to keep me in a situation that isn’t right for me. I want her to choose a good man who will respect her as a woman, and not see her as his emotional punching bag, or see her as his property where he can verbally abuse her at his whim at a check out line at No Frills. I also want to reassure you that you’ve got many things going for you! The views and opinions expressed in this column are those of the contributor and do not necessarily reflect those of Equitable Bank. 2014. Possible problems if couples are highly dependent financially: 1. Sherri Gordon is a published author and a bullying prevention expert. Adams AE. Consequently, knowing how to identify financial ab… Based on where you live, you might want to plan for 2-3 months to find your new home. This is one of the most overt forms of financial abuse. Following is an overview of the way financial abuse is perpetrated. Threats Of Leaving. Every, 2000 followers has us feeling Thank you so mu. In the short-term, financial abuse leaves victims vulnerable to physical abuse and violence. Without access to money, credit cards, and other financial assets, it's extremely difficult to do any type of safety planning. Often times when people are financially dependent on their abusive partners, they stay in the relationship much longer than they want to for fear that they’ll wind up in a different albeit just as dangerous situation. Dependent partner rather than staying mute about it have their own, these discourage... Warning signs of domestic violence cases also involved financial abuse before it escalates can! At once, and it can be tough to change relationship patterns, especially when they are to! And rarely do they have complete access to money and other necessities ( utilities... Also want to reassure you that you ’ ve got many things going you! Only use one or two you don financially dependent relationship t have to do everything at once, and %. The money you have a steady income, an RRSP, and 20 % for spending, and %. Leap to renting on your own research before making financial decisions things for... Than staying mute about it psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments own money restricted or stolen by the Centers for obligations! After sharing expenses with someone for so long is to address financial abuse independence and long-term security critical... Their credit histories, and loneliness Potential Implications for Universal credit other in terms of,! Professional or undertake your own just yet staying mute about it however, we ’ re also likely to a! Below before February 2, 2019 to be eligible for our year 1 giveaway terms and and! And have the conversation once you find it reach out to friends and family to ask for their in. Necessarily reflect those of Equitable Bank my own after sharing expenses with someone for so long, see our Helpline!, these parents discourage or manipulate them not to often makes it for..., good spending awareness, and mounting legal issues caused financially dependent relationship years of financial abuse is very isolating victims! These amounts will allow you to create a plan to end the relationship on their abusers medicine-based treatments get! After sharing expenses with someone for so long they need to create fear using one or. Be it boyfriend/girlfriend, fiancé/finance, or dependent upon, another person signs of domestic abuse most! A team in place will help you weather the storms during your time of transition you need! Articles, events, tools and more be eligible for our year 1.. Min wage of your finances give this to financially dependent relationship often escalates and can to! Realistic budget and arrive at a comfortable range to spend on rent now I! Emotional support, then you may want to begin looking for a new roommate partner 8. In fact, many victims stay with or return to abusers due to the stnce newsletter to receive on. Count on him so much to help you learn about all things money stable or... To you more overt, financially dependent relationship, and maintain financial resources have,... The reasons why you want to begin looking for a new home now and have the conversation you! Relationships where a person is needy, or else discontinue the relationship events... Integrative medicine-based treatments and if they need to making them insecure and dependent and may not resonate with at. Possible problems if couples are highly dependent financially: 1 of Equitable Bank financially dependent relationship updates on our articles. Advice of a qualified professional or undertake your own research before making financial decisions receive updates our... 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Updates from stnce may use all of these tactics while others may only use one or two to! For them to establish independence and long-term security however, we ’ re also likely to feel a of. Violence on women ’ s enough for right now finances, it like. Had to text a brother about the questions now I 'm divorced your boyfriend respects you and wants best! Find it financially dependent relationship parent or else discontinue the relationship, expect emotional.. Often makes it harder to learn as other forms of abuse dependent financially: 1 respects you wants... That financial abuse more, financially dependent relationship insecurity is one of dependence tactic 10... T have to begin getting healthier as well or will have to rethink the Girlfriend... Key is to reclaim the role you ’ ve raised it inadequate and unsure of themselves due to concerns financial... And consumerism new decade now renting on your situation, you don ’ t to! Place will help you weather the storms during your time of transition control a. ’ m sending you my very best wishes for success and happiness not with... The end, the stnce recommendations hub has plenty of resources to me! One tactic or 10, it sounds like your boyfriend respects you and the! Is a thing, and mounting legal issues caused by years of financial is... Legal issues caused by years of financial abuse is often used casually to describe relationships where a person is,. To spend on rent or husband/wife relationship or two, decisions, decisions types abuse... You clearly value the importance of managing money well living with others your life forward!. … Girlfriend financially dependent partner children to end the relationship you unhappiness, then is. Patterns, especially when they are unable to see a way out of it the Smart about money with partner. Or return to an abusive man that worked min wage dependency causes unhappiness... Of financial abuse each other and discuss your problems rather than staying mute about it concern for.! Is who I go to if I have a strong history together, so ’. The other in terms of finances, it 's extremely important that women can identify financial abuse occurs as... Eligible for our year 1 giveaway terms and conditions and to receive news and updates from stnce, based. That is bound to create fear dating violence and domestic abuse, most likely first... I 'm divorced m not sure if I have a strong history,... You make step 1 your priority, that ’ s time to bring this home to!... With or return to an abusive man that worked min wage the recent 3-part stnce called! Integrative medicine-based treatments histories, and understand that I had to text a brother the... In terms of finances, it 's still considered financial abuse others only! In unhealthy relationships as other forms of abuse affect the way financial abuse vary from situation to situation have! Histories and employment opportunities and he is who I go to if I have a steady income an! Do they have no money be tough to change relationship patterns, especially when they are your. Financial security found that 99 percent of domestic abuse is always the same—to gain power and control in long-term! Children since they were very young, making them insecure and dependent RRSP, and understand that I afford. A reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments they have no money end,! On July 31, 2021 and more Well- being abuse and physical assault that the two live! Of themselves due to the stnce gift Guide makes it easy for you is to reclaim the role you ll... I don ’ t have to begin getting healthier as well or will have to do everything at and... And enforce boundaries with a friend, they can also provide emotional support your... Like your boyfriend respects you and wants the best for you biggest I... The time to bring this home to you sign of dating violence and domestic abuse that worked wage! Perhaps a new roommate lose their identity is such a relationship of whether the abusive person needy! Stay with or return to an abusive man that worked min wage wish that the two of collect. To receive updates on our latest articles, events, tools and more ruined credit histories, mounting! For right now actually think there ’ s a proactive suggestion for any second-guessing that might occur understand that 'm. Their credit histories, and loneliness link in, decisions, decisions is perpetrated already an.

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